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1 Teachers are calling for an end to faith schools. What do the schools say?

a This is beyond belief b There's a plague of frogs with your name on it, chalky face c Not to mention the locusts d Isn't that nice Ruth Kelly a member of Opus Dei?

2 A text book for 14-year-olds in Rajasthan says that donkeys are better than wives. What do their mothers say?

a You want to live to be 15?

b You can't get a 14-year-old from a donkey c You really must have that talk with your father d Just get off my back, will you 3 Free-range chickens near the infected swan are having to be kept indoors.

What do the chickens say?

a Aaah-choo!!

b This is a swell barn. We could run around pecking the ground right here c Would you mind getting your wing out of my beak?

d I feel really cooped up in here 4 Research shows that Harold was depressed before the Battle of Hastings.

What did his vassals say?

a Cheer up, it may never happen b Come on, it's a lovely day, we're near the sea c What do you mean, it doesn't matter? Of course it matters d You think this is bad? An arrow in the eye, that would be bad 5 An Australian policeman has been suspended for consulting a clairvoyant.

What did the clairvoyant say?

a You're going to be suspended b The dingo did it c Your whole life just flashed before my eyes d Cheer up, it may never happen. Oh, sorry, it will

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