a Talking nonsense

b Jack Straw talking nonsense

c Ruth Kelly talking rubbish

d George Bush being rubbish

2 Police are to be given powers to dispense summary justice, including instant Asbos and fines for drunk and disorderly behaviour. Where will this lead?

a Teacher shortages, as they all leave to join the police

b 82-year-olds asking for fewer police officers on the beat

c Euan Blair being permanently gated

d Charles Clarke talking nonsense

3 Under-fives are being crammed to gain entry to popular primary schools.

Is this a good thing?

a Yes, it’s better than having them toddling the streets causing trouble

b No. Five-year-olds will know more about Beethoven’s late string quartets than their teachers

c Yes. Year 1 pupils will start shouting ‘Nonsense’ in class, and teachers can have them forcibly removed

d Definitely not. Nobody likes a smart-arse with milk teeth

4 A pensioner was released from prison early after a mysterious benefactor cleared the council tax she had refused to pay. What will she do now?

a Book a place at the next Labour Party conference

b Teach in a primary school

c Get drunk and be disorderly

d All of the above

5 Primary class sizes are exceeding Labour pledges. What will the Government do?

a Introduce a five-plus exam

b Draft in surplus 82-year-old activists to ease the strain

c Apologise

d Absolutely nothing