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1 A novelist was asked to leave a school for using rude words like "bum"

while he was addressing pupils. What do teachers think?

a The psyches of those poor pupils could be damaged forever

b Just as well it wasn't Will Self. c What a bummer. Oops. d "Good authors, too, who once knew better words". 2 There has been a reported rise in the number of pupils cheating in their GCSE coursework. What do teachers say?

a I'm devastated - I blame the parents. b I'm amazed - I taught the parents. c I'm keeping quiet - I've met the parents. d "Well, did you evah?"

3 Truants in a Welsh school are to meet Wayne Rooney as a prize for turning up. What will happen next?

a Rooney will be asked to leave as soon as he opens his mouth. b The truants won't bother to turn up. c Wayne Rooney won't bother to turn up. d The psyche of poor Wayne Rooney will be damaged forever. 4 Scientists have engineered mosquitoes with glowing testicles, which can then be neutered. What is the view from the staff room?

a You said the "T" word. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. b The psyches of those poor mosquitoes will be damaged forever. c Does it work on teenagers?

d Never give a sucker an even break. 5 George Bush claims that God told him to end the tyranny in Iraq. What do teachers say?

a God told me to neuter class 4B. b Wayne Rooney told me to neuter class 4B. c Class 4B told me to neuter Wayne Rooney. d ****** Bush. Can I go home now?

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1d 2d 3d 4d 5d

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