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Were you paying attention?

1 A swarm of bees attacked a Cumbrian school. What do the bees say?

a It's a honey trap

b Send us Melvyn Bragg and we'll let you go

c So you think we can't fly, huh?

d Soon to be several really bad motion pictures

2 Parents are furious at a school handing out morning-after pills. What do teachers say?

a I use aspirin and black coffee myself

b I preferred it when they got six months off

c My girls are in their prime

d I blame the bees

3 Boris Johnson deplores the shortage of science teachers in schools. Who else deplores what?

a Pupils deplore the lack of sex education in Boris

b Conservatives deplore the abundance of sex education in Boris

c Bees deplore the lack of Boris in honey trap

d Parents deplore the shortage of after-Boris pills

4 The Government is launching a pound;1 billion drive to spot gifted and talented pupils. What do teachers say?

a If you'd only asked me, I'd have told you for free

b Psst, I've got a vanload round the back that's looking really promising

c Brilliant. Now there's no money left to teach them

d I'm going to launch a pound;1 billion drive to spot a talentedgovernment

5 Students reported a teacher who gave exam tips. What do other students say?

a WHAT??!!

b There's a swarm of bees with your names on it

c Oh please, oh please

d That's pound;1billion gone downthe drain

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