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Were you paying attention?

1 There has been a big rise in the number of lollipop ladies, some as young as 18. What do teenagers say?

a I'll suck it and see.

b It's cheaper than university.

c I always wanted to stop the traffic.

d Sometimes, the middle of the road is a good place to be.

2 Lebanese wine sales are at an all-time high. What do the Lebanese say?

a I'll sup it and see.

b It's also good for putting out fires.

c I want to eat, drink and be merry.

d Sometimes, a catatonic stupor is a good place to be.

3 The New York Times has appointed a perfume critic. What must he be able to do?

a Smell it and see.

b Follow his nose.

c Cope with the relentless ridicule.

d Resist the vast amounts of cash in brown envelopes.

4 There has been a big fall in numbers taking modern-language GCSEs. Why is this?

a You don't need French to hold a five-foot lollipop in the middle of the road.

b Or German.

c Or Mandarin Chinese.

d All of the above.

5 Britain is the most burgled nation in Europe. Why?

a The GCSE in locksmithing has been dumbed down.

b Lollipop people need to supplement their income.

c Foreigners have nothing worth stealing.

d Foreign burglars come here for their holidays.

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1b, 2d, 3c, 4d, 5a

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