a The great heatstroke crisis of 2006
b The world's first hair refinery
c An epidemic of homeless lice
d A new hairstyle called the Manila Slick
2 McDonald's has redesigned its dessert pots to make them safer for hedgehogs. What will be next?
a It will redesign its hamburgers to make them safer for human beings
b It will redesign its coffee cups to make them safer for really incredibly stupid car drivers
c It will redesign its party hats to make them safer for bald Filipinos
d It will launch the McHedgehog, just out of badness
3 Australia is recruiting plumbers from Britain and Ireland. What will be the consequences of this?
a 20 million Australians will be asked, "What pillock did this?"
b 20 million Australians will be told that the water goes down the plughole the wrong way
c An outbreak of mass teeth-sucking will damage the ozone layer
d Every plumber in Australia will have a big job to finish in New Zealand
4 Labour has admitted making mistakes over Afghanistan. What does absolutely everyone say?
a No, really?
b Well, at least it's a start
d All of the above
5 The British are emigrating in record numbers. So who are going?
c Heatstroke specialists
d Absolutely everybody
QUIZ ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3c, 4d, 5d