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1 Fewer than one in 20 teachers want to be heads. What do the teachers say?

a Nineteen out of 20 teachers have more sense

b One in 20 teachers is a power-hungry despot manque

c It's a dirty job, but someone else has to do it

d Go away, I've got 200 homeworks to mark

2 The director-general of the CBI says an influx of immigrants from Romania and Bulgaria will threaten the social fabric. What will we get?

a Vampires

b Gypsies

c Power-hungry despots manques

d Headteachers with big earrings and flashing eyes. And that's just the men

3 The Chinese have banned strippers at funerals. What does this mean?

a Britain's social fabric will be threatened by an influx of Chinese strippers

b There will be a sharp decline in the number of Chinese funerals

c A vice squad (funerals) will have to be set up

d Spearmint Panda will make a fortune

4 A memo has given suggestions for Tony Blair's exit strategy. What is on the wish-list?

a A visit to an old Romanian castle. Alone. After dark

b A visit to Spearmint Panda

c A visit to the next door power-hungry despot manque

d Democracy

5 The PlayStation 3 won't be ready for Christmas. What can people do instead?

a Play with PlayStation 2

b Talk to the next door power-hungry despot manque

c Strip

d Threaten the social fabric

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