a I bet he dyes before long

b Dye another Day

c Tomorrow never Dyes

d Golden Dye

2 MI6 has launched a recruitment website. What will careers advice officers say?

a Just call me M

b Have you considered dying your hair?

c Have you considered dying horribly in a faraway place?

d Now that you’re 16, how would you like a licence to kill?

3 A headteacher recently produced a gun in a harvest festival assembly.

What did the other teachers think?

a I knew this would happen when she dyed her hair blonde

b It’s better than bottling it up

c I thought it was a courgette

d And your point is?

4 Chinese scientists have discovered a 4,000-year-old bowl of noodles. What do teachers say?

a I’ve got a class of 12-year-old noodles they can have

b They’ll go nicely with some 100-year-old eggs

c That’s funny, we’ve just found some 4,000-year-old Turkey Twizzlers

d I’d rather have a courgette

5 The government is pushing for healthier school lunches. What is the reaction in the staffroom?

a What are we going to do with the 4,000-year-old Turkey Twizzlers?

b Can we shoot them if they eat chips?

c Can they shoot us if we eat chips?

d Sheer hypocrisy. If they’re going to die horribly in a faraway place, why they can’t do it in the canteen?

QUIZ ANSWERS: 1a, 2a, 3d, 4b, 5d