a It's material correctness gone mad
b Did he take the labels off the bottles?
c Paper cuts are too good for him
d I'd rather be on the Clapham omnibus
2 Polish customs officers shot at a German pleasure boat for unpaid alcohol and tobacco tax. What did the Poles say?
a We wanted to be first this time
b Na zdrowie!
c See, it really is bad for your health
d It's all right if you only shoot in moderation
3 A nursery school has built a crazy golf course to get its children fit.
What do the teachers say?
a I'd have gone for an assault course myself
b Fit! They're lethal enough as it is
c Keep your alignment closed and swing from the inside out, otherwise you'll hit the pirate ship
d It's just what this country needs - toddlers with a bunker mentality
4 A 10-year-old boy in the United States has been charged with terrorism after threatening to blow up his teachers. What do his parents say?
a It's just a phase
b They grow up so fast nowadays
c It's better than bottling it up
d It serves them right for teaching him chemistry
5 Official statistics show that a fifth of five-year-olds cannot read and write well enough. What does this mean?
a They spend all their time on the golf course
b Their teachers spend all their time on the golf course
c They just don't care what happens to Peter Rabbit
d They want to be President of the United States when they grow up
QUIZ ANSWERS: 1a, 2d, 3c, 4b, 5d