Ryan was never a particularly sympathetic boy. He was always the wrong side of cheeky and seemed to know how to press teachers’ buttons, making teaching him difficult.

There were many reasons for his behaviour, but it took us a good six months to build up a proper picture of his home life and his past, and we could never tell any of his teachers about it. They had no idea about the drug-addicted parents; the suicide of Ryan’s dad, and how Ryan himself had found the body when he was 8; how his stepdad whacked him around the head most days; and how the older boys on the estate were relying on him to move drugs around on his bike.

Ryan had far bigger problems than maths homework, but his maths teacher didn’t know that. She didn’t know that he didn’t have time to complete homework because the older dealers on the estate would beat him up if he didn’t show up to work.

Ryan’s form tutor did not know that he was late every morning because he remained next to his mum’s bed until she woke up, because he wanted to make sure she actually woke up. And his English teacher didn’t realise that, because he’d spent the night at his nan’s to avoid his stepdad’s temper, bringing a pen to class was at the bottom of his priorities. She did not realise that the more she shouted at him about the pen, the more self-destructive he felt and that this was why he kicked over his chair and told her to fuck off. Because of confidentiality, we could not share any of this information with the staff.

Troubled home lives

To be fair, it would not have changed Ryan’s life, his triggers or his behaviour if we had. But it might have changed the way staff interacted with him. Perhaps they would have reacted with compassion when his temper started to fray, rather than becoming exasperated.

Had I not known the details of his life, I may well have been among those constantly questioning why he was still in the school, not excluded, not in a pupil referral unit.

Of all the things that would have helped Ryan, being excluded from school was not one of them. I still wrestle with whether revealing confidential information about him may have helped. Ryan is not alone - there are thousands of children in our schools who present as “problems”, and, because of confidentiality, you’ll never know why. So, next time in an email or staff briefing, when a child is described as “vulnerable” or you are told that things are “difficult or unsettled at home”, please remember that it might be Ryan.

Keziah Featherstone is co-founder and national leader for #WomenEd. She is a member of the Headteachers’ Roundtable and an experienced school leader. She tweets at @keziah70