Woodhead's rise

Visitors to the nation's staffrooms are being treated to the startling sight of a mass-produced poster of Chris Woodhead - the Man Who Inspects Schools For The Queen - in pride of place above the coffee mugs.

All is not as it seems. Mr W still holds his position as Her Majesty's Chief Bogeyman of Schools. But in this poster, those familiar features are emblazoned with the slogan - helpfully coined by the Socialist Workers' party - "Greedy Bastard. 34 per cent for all!" Still, this infamous pay rise appears to have done wonders for Mr W's good temper. He has been divulging that he actually prefers a do-it-yourself poster spotted in a Hackney staffroom (where else?) featuring last month's TES cover shot of him fielding an enormous microphone, plus a speech bubble reading: "Stop whingeing about the 34 per cent. It won't even pay for the Viagra." No, we're not going to explain. Ask a biology teacher.

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