Dear Mr Claus, thank you for your application for the post of learning support assistant and midday meals supervisor at Christmas Community Academy. On this occasion I’m afraid that your application has not been successful. As requested, I am happy to provide feedback on your application to explain our decision.

At the shortlisting stage, we considered the prior experience of candidates according to their application forms. I did have some doubts at this stage: it seems that you have frequently had short-lived temporary roles in childcare, which rarely lasted more than two months. These roles were during only November and December each year. I was concerned that you did not have sufficient “staying power” in previous roles.

We also had some doubts about the accuracy of the dates on your application. As per the safer recruitment requirements, I attempted to press you on this matter at interview, because it was not clear how you had been employed at several department stores during December of 2016 simultaneously. Your explanation at interview that “fairy dust” enabled you to work for several employers concurrently was unsatisfactory.

During the interview session, it was clear that you had some experience of forming positive relationships with children. However, as I explained to you on the afternoon of your interview, the governors felt that your use of sweets and chocolate to praise the children was not really in keeping with our “healthy schools” status.

Similarly, although as a school we do place a high emphasis on expectations of pupils’ behaviour, we did not feel that the use of coal as a sanction for a pupil was appropriate. In future, I would suggest keeping largely to your lists of pupils - although we prefer not to use language such as “naughty” and “nice”.

Sleigh bells ringing

With regards to the midday meals supervisor role, I’m afraid the role requires adults who can interact positively while they eat their lunch. On this occasion, I received a number of complaints from pupils that during your trial you had taken a single bite from pies that formed part of their meal.

It was also unfortunate that your choice of transport led to the awkward incident at breaktime. Mrs Spinks, the Reception class teacher, tells me that she continues to have children refusing to eat carrots because of their experience on the day of your interview. Your assertion that “they’d only had a nibble” has not really made up for the problem caused.

Contrary to your comments on the telephone, your choice of interview outfit was not part of our considerations. However, as you have rightly noted, your suit was very distinctive. For future interviews, you might want to consider a more traditional formal outfit. Hats are not normally necessary.

On a related matter, when applying for future roles, you may wish to consider garnering a more suitable email address. I’m sure that ‘jollyoldsaintnick’ has a humorous back story, but it doesn’t really convey the professionalism required.

With regards to your complaint about the school’s diversity policy, I have referred to the local authority’s legal team for advice. They have confirmed that being “from the Arctic” is not a protected characteristic. If you wish to pursue a complaint on the grounds of age discrimination, they have advised that it will be necessary to forward evidence of your claimed date of birth.

Regards.

Michael Tidd is headteacher at Medmerry Primary School in West Sussex. He tweets @MichaelT1979