What kind of future will my mixed-race baby have?

I am writing as an expectant mother of a mixed-race baby boy and a secondary teacher.

I’m at the stage of pregnancy where it’s become difficult to sleep and, as I lie awake, my thoughts are filled with the future of my about-to-be-born son. My thoughts are filled with worry.

I’d like to take the liberty of talking on behalf of all BAME mothers. Before my son is even born, I lie awake worrying about his future. Not the same worries that some mums, and even you, might have, but I worry about how dark his skin will be, whether his hair will be too kinky, whether his foreign-sounding name, combined with the complexion of his skin, will result in him being bullied, stop him from securing job interviews and bar him from promotions. Will society silently judge him and close doors in his face because of the colour of his skin and the sound of his name? Will what happened to Stephen Lawrence, Damilola Taylor, Brian Douglass, Julian Cole, Mark Duggan, Shukri Abadi or Caleb Hills happen to my boy? Will the next pandemic unfairly affect him more than someone else’s son? Will he be forced to live in sub-standard housing? Will his identity cause him to continually be in the wrong place at the wrong time?

When you see my son in your classroom or pass him in the street, in what way are you going to fail him? Will it be an overt gesture or mannerism, will it be a thoughtless, flippant or misinformed comment, will it be your complicity and culpability in doing nothing in a systemically biased system that is stacked against minorities, or will it just be reinforcing the negative narrative that surrounds boys like mine? By the time he reaches your classroom, he’ll be socialised into accepting this normality and prejudice and he likely won’t question or respond to your actions or comments, likely he will expect them.

But before you act, or don’t act, please consider my son’s journey to get to your classroom. When you see him with a group of friends, or wearing a hoodie or out late at night, you won’t know the journey he is on or the route he is taking. The route he takes might be the same as any other child but it is also vastly different. His route is shaped by the Windrush scandal, the hostile environment policy, the police culture of stop and search, the Immigration Act, Prevent practices, a society and culture that teaches the erasure of the experiences and histories of boys like mine. So before you comment on his hair, his attitude, his clothing, his friendship group, the volume of his voice or his demeanour, consider what he has been through to get to you and what you’re doing to change that for him.

If you don’t lie awake with these worries, you truly are privileged.

Name and address supplied

Your life-changing article on girls and ADHD

I am writing with regard to an article on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and girls by Rebecca West (“Are you spotting the girls with ADHD?”, 3 June).

The article presents the little known and misinterpreted topic of ADHD in girls and includes a link to a test for self-diagnosis.

I read the article, recognised myself, took the test, did many other tests, read many other articles.

I am now in the process of being assessed for ADHD, at the age of 32. My life would have been much easier if one of my teachers had read this article 20 years ago.

Thank you all for your informing services. Thanks to the writer who allowed me to understand so much of myself.

Fabiola Palmas
London