Pupils aren’t soft. They’ve got a fine eye for detail when it comes to picking up on body language and all the possible chinks in the armour of a trainee teacher. And one thing is certain - they can spot a phoney a mile off.

Kelly They think it’s too dangerous to tell us if someone’s a student teacher. They’re given hell to pay. Always. From everyone.

Rob They say,‘I’m a student teacher.’ Then leave.

Kayla I don’t know why they have it in for student teachers. Some try to communicate on your level, which is sometimes embarrassing for the pupils - because it’s not working. You can tell students - they’re a lot younger. My real teachers were all old so a young teacher was a change.

Katie Most of the time they just pretend that they’re real teachers. But you can just tell. They distance themselves too much and try to be strict like an older teacher and make you respect them. It works for a while. But then normally people end up hating them more because they’re too strict. They try too hard and need to relax more.

Aidan Mainly they’re very strict and very distanced, although they always seem to have that “stressed executive” feel to them.

Shadowing and gentle introductions are all very well but they have a downside. They might help to ease you in gradually, but they’ll also give the game away and present you as “the student” - someone who’s playing second fiddle to the class teacher. If you want to avoid all that and pitch straight in, you’ll need self-belief right from the off.

Rob They did shadowing at both my secondary schools. Trainees would sit at the back. We’d just ignore them. They usually came around when we were working and ask questions. But we didn’t say much. When they’d finished shadowing or being observed, you’d hear a teacher having a really patronising and condescending conversation with them, treating them like babies. Not very nice - and it puts them down in front of you. That’s why students have a nervous disposition. Occasionally, staff shortages mean a fast introduction to reality - and showing a lack of confidence at this point is understandable but best avoided.

Katie They tended to throw them in at the deep end and leave them there, then run away. Not good tactically. Sometimes there wasn’t a teacher for them to shadow because of shortages, but they were much more confident if there was someone there to fall back on.

Or maybe trainees should just resort to begging and pleading with the pupils in their classes?

Katie No. That’s just for the permanent teachers when Ofsted come round.

You can put anti-discriminatory policies together till the cows come home, but the reality will be sure to challenge all those lofty aims. And if you deviate from the stereotype, which has long been white, middle-class, heterosexual, twentysomething - then you’d best make sure you get your three Shredded Wheat in before the school day begins.

Rob In the Midlands, in an all-boys school, we had a teacher come in and he was very camp. They made him cry. He lasted about a week. It wasn’t his fault for ‘coming out’ - it just wasn’t the school to do it in.

Katie We had one who was gay, basically, but no one minded because he made an example of someone and laid the law down hard. It shouldn’t matter anyway, but 13-year-old boys are immature. We also had an old woman and she taught RE. They got at her by throwing things. She didn’t look the part and didn’t have any idea what young people were interested in. If you’re a student, don’t pick RE. You’ve got no chance really. They’re not interested in RE.

Boys and girls will test you out in equal measure but in different ways. Take a tip from them - keeping your cool and being consistent are paramount. If you threaten to take any kind of punitive action and then don’t carry it out, you’re likely to find yourself in big trouble.

Rob We had one good history teacher, a Pakistani, and there was a guy at the back of the class who was very racist. He threw a paper ball at her with ‘Paki’ written on it. She walked straight out. We thought she’d be crying but she came back with the head. The guy was suspended. She’d put her foot straight down and kept her cool. She lasted.

Kelly If it was a female student, the boys in the class would always try to force contact. They’d try to leave the room. The teacher would put out an arm and stop them, and then it’s,“Ooh, she’s touching me.” It was horrible, especially if they’re loud, large and threatening.

Kayla My school was all girls, so any young male was a big thing. There were really immature games - flirting, notes passed on in the register and trying to guess who’d written them, but there was no real abuse.

Kelly There was one student who, if you were bad, wrote your name on the board, so you were kept behind afterwards. Then inevitably she’d run out crying. Someone would get up and wipe the names off the board. She’d come back and say, ‘No names on the board. Everyone can go.’ So no one took her seriously. Another one used to phone the deputy head for help. One day he was on a trip and we all knew. She said, “I’ve phoned Mr X and he’s very angry with you.” And people said: “But he’s on a school trip, Miss.’ It all built up again, and there was nothing she could do...ever.

So, what are the tell-tale signs that show when trainee teachers aren’t quite up to it?

Katie The fact that they have no control. They rely on worksheets and don’t actually teach you things. They’ve had no experience of teaching so they have to just give worksheets out. It’s their back-up plan. They can sit behind the table and practise glaring up at you.

Rob For the entire last year of our GCSEs, we had no business studies teacher. We had supplies and students in the middle. They’d just hold up worksheets and say, ‘Have you done this before?’ and you’d have done it in the last few weeks. Everyone just played on the Internet. It was horrible.

Katie We had a science student who had to teach us physics in our GCSE year, after loads of supplies. The entire class was fed up.

But surely there are some success stories - cases where trainees have managed to carry it all off in style? I Aren’t there?

Kayla We had a drama teacher who dressed young - she was probably in her early twenties. She just came in with a burst of energy and was very lively. That usually helps - if they’re more confident. She wasn’t formal in any way and she fitted in. And she gave the impression she cared.

Kelly A music teacher taught us how to play by ear instead of just learning scores without understanding. She brought it to life.

Aidan A maths teacher who in the first lesson did no maths. He just sat and talked to us. He wasn’t particularly good at explaining maths to be honest, but we liked him.

And is the whole experience so negative that it puts the pupils off choosing a career in teaching ?

Kayla I wouldn’t have the patience to be a teacher. I don’t think I’d be able to do it - certainly not a secondary teacher.

Rob I’m seriously thinking of going into teaching, but trying colleges - 11-16 is like a no-go area for me. I don’t have the confidence or self-esteem to do it. And below 11 they irritate me.

Katie I’d teach ‘real’ children - little children. They can’t talk to you; they just look at you. That would work. Ones that can’t talk. Just teach them to count and say words.

Kelly Not secondary school. The attacks on your self-esteem just aren’t worth it. It was pretty bad. I’ve seen as bad as it can get. I need to feel positive about getting up each day. It might be more positive teaching drama, but I’d prefer to act - in front of a big crowd who’ve paid and want to be there, not 30 kids. Absolutely not.

One piece of advice from a pupil to a student teacher?

Katie Try and look the part. It will always help. Even if inside you’re panicking and screaming, just walk out there as if nothing’s wrong, everything is fine and you’re in charge.

Kayla Be calm, friendly, but keep boundaries.

Rob Try to see it as more than just a job - and put in extra effort.

Kelly One teacher told me he was advised to throw a wooden stool across the room so it smashed, then he wouldn’t have a problem.

Aidan Get a big box of sweets and give them out to cover your mistakes.

* Aidan Pinsent (left) attended several secondary schools in Ireland and England. He is studying English, media, music and psychology. He intends to study composition and pursue a musical career.

Katie Coleman (second left) is studying Art, English and ICT and intends to read English at university. One of her ambitions is to write comedy scripts. She would consider teaching only very small, quiet children who can’t talk much.Rob Haughton (centre) went to secondary school in the Midlands and West London. He wants to read English at university. He is studying media, English and photography and would like to teach post-16 and write.

Kelly-Louise Carter (second right) is studying English, ICT, performance studies and media. She is applying to read English and drama at university and intends to act. Kayla Orr (right) attended an all-girls secondary school in Hounslow and is studying art, photography, English and media. She would like to go into journalism after university.