Anybody who visits www.catholic-forum.comsaints will notice one striking similarity between the teaching profession and the 10,000 or so good men and women who the Church has thought fit to canonise. I don’t mean that teachers are of a martyrish disposition, indifferent to worldly wealth and routinely expected to perform miracles, but that some saints, like some teachers, seem to have ended up having to do a lot more work than their colleagues.

For example, George has to look after all the English while all that Tydfil has to do to earn the prestigious St in front of his name is watch over Merthyr (pop. 58,500). But our deepest sympathy should be reserved for poor old Isidore of Seville. He really did draw the short straw and has ended up being lumbered with responsibility for the Internet.

As job descriptions go, it’s a bummer. The Internet is not only big but it’s getting bigger by the minute. Although it will always be impossible to state the exact size, even conservative estimates reckon that the Net now has 500 million or more regular users who can access 500 billion documents. There are at least 30 million domain names - and probably as many as 85,000 new ones being added every month. According to The London Internet Exchange which records Internet traffic data, in the UK alone the system copes with six gigabits of data a second. That, apparently, is the equivalent of 21 million emails a minute - approximately the number I expect to receive claiming that the statistics I’ve quoted wildly underestimate the size of the Net and the speed at which it is growing.

No agency will ever be able to police cyberspace which is why it’s proving such an attraction to paedophiles, porn merchants and - perhaps the scariest of all - a gruesome legion of unsavoury tub-thumpers. If you really want to depress yourself consult www.hatedirectory.com, the home of an organisation dedicated to naming and shaming sites that preach “hostility toward others based upon race, religion, ethnicity, gender or sexual orientation”. If you have the stomach for it, it’s worth visiting a few of the cyber cesspits listed there. You’ll be reminded that simply having a presence on the Net gives a spurious credence to even the most ghastly opinions. When you’ve completed your visit, you’d be well advised to dunk your modem in a strong solution of Dettol and to bookmark http:safety.ngfl.gov.uk where you’ll find very detailed guidelines on how to prevent pupils from accessing unsuitable material on school computers.

The churches were among the first to recognise not only the potential dangers posed by the rapid growth of the WWW, but also the unique opportunity it offered to extend their ministry to a worldwide congregation. They’ve set up virtual places of worship, resource centres, distance learning courses on countless sites. You can, for example, join in a religious service at www.churches.com. Clear your conscience without wasting a priest’s time at www.theconfessor.co.uk. Sing your heart out at www.hymnsite.com or study the Bible or any other holy book at www.sacred-texts.com. Visit www.geocities.comprayervilleloveearth.html and you’ll find the mysteries of prayer have been conveniently reduced to a couple of mouse clicks. You key in who or what you want to pray for and the computer does the rest. It would be simpler, of course, if they just gave you God’s email address. The great attraction of this proliferation of religious sites is that they enable anyone to get a taste of what these religions are all about.

Of course, Christianity is not alone. All the major world religions happily co-exist in cyberspace. It’s a truly uplifting experience to be able to hop, click and jump from www.moslem.orgmosque.htm to www.askmoses.com and then on to www.vatican.va or to www.thezen.or.jp or to any of the other sites listed in Finding God in Cyberspace, www.fontbonne.edulibservfgicfgic.htm.

While the Web is certainly playing a part in building bridges between the world’s great religions, this very ethos of tolerance inevitably means it also offers a convenient pulpit to a range of loopy sects and cults which prey on the young and the vulnerable. That is one more compelling reason for schools to monitor how their computers are being used and, far more importantly, to remind pupils to think twice before they believe anything they read when they are online.

Teachers who feel the Web is causing them more headaches than it’s worth, should spare a thought for St Isidore - like many in their profession, he must often be tempted to put in for early retirement.

Clear your conscience with Arnold: ArnoldJEvans@aol.com