David Newnham gets his teeth into the chewing gum debate
There’s a polite notice on the gate (if you want to read it as “police notice”, that’s your prerogative). “Thank you for respecting,” it says, “that this school is a chewing gum free zone.” That’s final, then. No more “Are you chewing, Wilson?” No more “Come up here and spit it out, boy!” Just a too, too solid lump on the underside of the chair, growing slowly less minty with every passing term.
In the US, however, where many argue that every citizen has a duty to bear arms and to chew gum (and to do both at the same time when necessary) prohibitionists are up against something of a gum lobby.
In magazines such as The Libertarian Enterprise, sinister parallels have been drawn between the banning of gum in schools and the massacre of Branch Davidian cult members in Waco, Texas. Words such as “Nazi” and “Nietzsche” are on the tips of tongues (alongside a wad of well-worked Freedent).
As for the gum-makers, they are mines of information when it comes to the beneficial effects of their product. According to Wrigley, chewing has been proven to relax nerves and muscles, ease tension and aid concentration, which is why gum is still distributed throughout the US armed forces and included in combat rations.
It can also refresh the mouth and throat, sweeten the breath and stimulate the production of saliva, which helps to neutralise the acids that cause tooth decay.
On one point, though, Wrigley has rather less to say. “How can I remove chewing gum from my hair?” asks one troubled customer. “Try using peanut butter or vegetable oil to soften the gum. This should make removing it a bit easier,” says the company.
It was the prospect of applying peanut butter to the entire subway system that provoked the Singapore government to outlaw chewing gum in 1992, and similar considerations have driven schools to ban it.
But in the US the gum lobby remains unconvinced. “The principal was more interested in breaking children to her will than in keeping the schoolyard civil,” recalls one chatroom libertarian. “You think we would’ve given two-thirds of a rat’s ass about chewing bubble gum at recess if it weren’t for the ban?” That’s right, lad. Spit it outI
