You may be struggling to think of a good costume for this year’s school Halloween extravaganza. Dracula? Done to death. That girl from The Ring? Over it. Freddy Krueger? So passé. But fear not! Here are five seemingly innocuous suggestions that are guaranteed to spook school staff across the land...
 

1. An empty biscuit tin
   “Oh, look,” they’ll say when they see you in your costume, “a box of sugary treats! How inviting, how welcome after a hard slog of a morning.” But, what’s that lurking within? It’s only their worst nightmare: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
   
   
   
    
2. A staple remover
   Sounds pretty unscary, right? Not for teachers and their classroom assistants, whose calloused hands bear the scars of past battles with wall displays of yore. In space, no one can hear them scream. In their classroom? EVERYONE HEARS IT (including the swearing. Especially the swearing).
   
   
    
    
3. A copy of the government’s latest reforms
   “What’s that coming over the hill - is it a monster, is it a monster?” you hear your colleagues cry. No, it isn’t. You’re actually dressed as MORE NEEDLESS CHANGES to the way they work. You’re heading their way… and there’s nowhere to run.
   
   
   
    
4. A glue stick with the lid missing
   Yes, you’re wearing a glue stick costume. You lull your co-workers into a false sense of security by looking like one of their most trusted sidekicks. But, what’s this?! OH, THE HUMANITY. The lid is nowhere to be seen! “Why,” they’ll plead, “why must everything we love die so soon?”
   
   
   
    
5. An Ofsted inspector
   Simple to do: just dress in a smart suit with a clipboard and (ideally) some pince-nez - then watch your students get confused as to why all the other adults in school break out in a cold sweat every time they look at you. OUTSTANDING.
   
   

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