What to do when a staffroom romance goes wrong

It’s difficult to avoid an ex who’s also a colleague, but there are some things that can help you battle through...
30th May 2019, 5:51am

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What to do when a staffroom romance goes wrong

https://www.tes.com/magazine/archive/what-do-when-staffroom-romance-goes-wrong
Failed Staffroom Romance

It started out so sweet. It was during a week-long trip to France that I started to look differently at George the geography teacher. And after sitting next to him on the coach home for a journey that lasted 20 hours, I was undeniably in the throes of a full-blown crush.

Fast-forward through a hastily arranged drink, a drunken snog and lots of assurances that we wouldn’t let our burgeoning romance interfere with work, and we were on. Dating and delighted about it.


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To be honest, I wasn’t worried. He was great, I was well established at the school, and I’d seen teacher romances bloom into proper, lovely relationships. One of the science teachers was even having a baby with a French teacher. This would be fine, right?

It was nowhere near fine.  

The end of the beginning

First, we accidentally outed ourselves to colleagues almost immediately (by arriving at work together several mornings on the trot).

We then had to endure everyone being giddily gossipy about our new relationship.

And then it ended. Oh, did it end. We were off - very off.  And with a half-term left before summer left to endure, too.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation, here’s some hard-won advice on making it through the mess, from someone who has been there.

1. Don’t slag each other off

Tempting as it may be to vent to your work pals about your ex’s immaturity/punctuality/frankly concerning addiction to Championship Manager (ahem), just don’t do it. Try to bask in the sanctimonious glow of being the bigger person, rise above the sniping and then say whatever the hell you want to friends, family and anyone else who won’t be running into your ex in the corridor.

2. Tell your key people

Then again, if the cat is already out of the bag at school, it’s worth letting key characters know. That means they won’t be asking questions about the two of you that could send you into a tailspin, and they can diplomatically get the word out to others that it’s over and the topic is not up for discussion.

3. Keep it civil

Be realistic: you’re going to see each other at some point, whether that’s down to a mandatory CPD session or a mix-up with the library booking system (yep, that happened). Professionalism has to prevail, however much you feel like running in the other direction or crying over the encyclopedias (or maybe flinging an encyclopedia across the room at them). Paste on your best neutral face, proceed as if everything is fine, and get out of the situation as soon as possible.

4. Be careful in the pub/at work functions

One of the best things about our school is its brilliant social life - and one of the worst things about that was finding myself nursing a sauvignon blanc a few tables away from the person I least wanted to see. Be sensible with your school socialising, at least in the early days. It’s better to skip a night at the pub than to get swept up into any sort of drama.

5. Don’t quit

The absolute worst outcome for everyone - particularly your students - would be for you to let this derail you and your work. It’s hard, but don’t let a temporary setback turn into something more serious. Keep your head up, count down the days to the next holiday and remember that the sadness will fade. And above all, be grateful that you won’t have to spend another second watching someone play Championship Manager.

The writer is a teacher of English in South London

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