As a former, “pads brat” - a colloquial, and believe it or not, endearing term used to describe children of people in the armed forces - moving around was part of my world growing up.
Postings could range from three years to as little as 18 months, which meant that while my youth was immensely adventurous, it always guaranteed a change in location which meant new countries, new language and of course new schools - nine in total.
And while us “third-culture kids” (children raised in internationally mobile families) are known for our uniqueness of adaptability, resourcefulness and resilience, behind this constant newness, often sits a dormant fragility.
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Now I work as an international teacher and I watch firsthand the same story play out for other “third-culture kids”; the undeniable speed in which they are plucked from my classroom and the gap they leave behind, both on myself and their classmates is still something I find upsetting to watch.
It will always happen though - it is the nature of the international school market for thousands after all.
But that does not mean schools cannot do more to help the children who have to go through these departures to make the experience less upsetting and help them accept it and process it.
So what can schools and educators do to support young people when leaving a school? How can teachers ensure new students feel rooted and settled when they begin a new school and what exactly is the right way to say goodbye?
Here are some ideas drawn from my own experience and insights, and with input from others, that might help.
1. Acknowledge the ending
Many “third-culture kids” adults reported that educators failed to acknowledge when they were leaving a school.
As such, the first step to ensuring a smooth departure is to communicate openly with a child that you are aware they are leaving and talk about it and how they are feeling about it all.
Remember you don’t always have to try and make a child feel “better” that they are sad to be leaving - it’s fine to let them say they will miss the school or their friends and simply hear that. Trying to tell them they’ll like it even more where they are going next may just sound like you are dismissing them.
This is where good communication between the senior leadership team and teachers is vital too - teachers need to know if a child has been taken off roll and will not be returning to their classes, allowing for educators to adequately prepare for a child’s departure academically and emotionally.
Having a specialist teacher that deals with transition - for both leavers and new starters - is also a great idea to help ensure the transition is smooth and the necessary academic and mental wellbeing interventions can be put in place too.
2. A detailed leaving report
On the academic side specifically, teachers should have a detailed discussion with a child’s new school about their progress and where they may need support or whether they are gifted and talented and need mentally stretching or any areas where they are behind.
Furthermore, there needs to be a mutual discussion about the curriculum coverage to ensure a child isn’t at a loss when starting a new school, allowing for interventions to be put in place effectively and efficiently.
Books or sample work should be sent to the new school to show teachers of a child’s learning journey and proud moments.
You may not see the impact of this when a child starts at their new school but it can definitely help make that process between two schools less daunting.
3. Have a leaving party to celebrate the child’s time at school
When a child is set to leave it is a nice idea to have an event to mark that moment.
They could be given a hoody or leaving shirt with farewell messages their peers have written as a nice reminder of their time at school or provide them with a memory album or memory box of things that have happened in the year or reminders of happy times, for example, badges, photos of school trips, funny quotes or achievements.
One lovely example I heard from Garden International School in Kuala Lumpur is a box containing five items: a sour sweet, a length of ribbon, a paper clip, a sponge and a rubber band.
The items are chosen to prompt discussion about what leaving means - bittersweet emotions, tying up loose ends and making memories.
4. Fostering a culture of “life-long” friendship and what that looks like
In our connected world leaving does not have to mean goodbye forever - and it’s important we talk about this and how we can stay connected with one another and what that means about friendship and connection.
You can even help facilitate this by holding online class reunions perhaps, to ensure that students who have departed can still feel connected to their old school and the people within it.
