Schools can be social minefields.
Use someone’s mug without asking and you’re in trouble.
Take someone’s faded, out-of-date display down, and you’re a dead woman walking.
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So, what should you do about inviting, or more importantly, not inviting colleagues to your wedding?
Wedding planning: stick to friends
A simple rule of thumb is to only invite people you consider friends. Yes, you may see your colleagues more than you see your future spouse, but does that make you friends? Do you actually spend time together outside of the school grounds?
If the answer is yes, consider sending them an invite. Most people are on a budget when it comes to weddings, so be open about the fact that you cannot invite the entire school. Reasonable people will understand this.
If you do decide to invite colleagues, consider whether they will know any of the other wedding guests. Ideally, seat them with other staff members or mutual friends; no one wants to be a Billy No Mates.
Also, make it clear on the invitation whether or not they can bring a guest.
Ban the wedding countdown
Not only does doing a wedding countdown make you look like you belong in Year 10, rather than standing in front of them, it’s rubbing salt into the wounds of those who are not invited.
You may be friends with some of your colleagues on social media, so bear that in mind when sharing your plans online as well. You may want to tell those who are invited to be discreet.
This is not meant to sound like your wedding plans should be treated like classified information. There’s no need to start speaking in code or anything, just be sensitive to the feelings of others. Weddings can turn the rational irrational.
Don’t invite the uninvited
If you are having a pre-wedding bash, hen or stag or anything else, do not invite those who are not invited to the big day. It’s a bit like saying you’re good enough to come to this, but not quite good enough for the main event.
Should you or should you not invite your line manager and/or the head? It’s a very personal decision. Are they a friend?
If they are not, but you still feel compelled to invite them, then I would ask; can I twerk in front of them? If the answer is no, leave them off the list.
You could, of course, be like Elizabeth Taylor and have eight weddings; that way you can probably get around to inviting the whole staff, albeit in stages, of course.
Or you could avoid upsetting some people and instead opt to upset everyone by eloping and inviting no one you know to your nuptials. At least then no one can claim you’re inconsistent.
Gemma Corby is a former special educational needs and disability coordinator (Sendco) and freelance writer