“Mummy’s sad.”
This was the first time my two-year-old daughter had named an emotion. It was bathtime. She was staring at me, with concern, from a mess of bubbles and toy boats.
“Mummy’s not sad,” I almost replied, because that is what you do - you try to protect your children from bad things.
This will have been on the minds of many parents this week, with GCSE and A-level results being released. There will be students who are bitterly disappointed, and plenty of parents wishing they could shield them from that feeling.
But according to Camilla Rosan, head of early years and prevention at mental health charity the Anna Freud National Centre for Children and Families, trying too hard to protect children from negative emotions doesn’t do them any favours.
In this week’s wellbeing special issue of Tes, Christina Quaine speaks to Rosan about how to support mental health in the early years. Her message to teachers is clear: acknowledging our feelings helps.
“If the class checks in at circle time to talk about feelings, the teacher might say they feel great. But wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had a spectrum of feelings? Sad days, stressy days, angry days. Of course, children want to see adults as contained but it can work to intentionally show that we all have difficult feelings,” says Rosan.
Doing this is not always easy - not least because many of us could do with some more support ourselves when it comes to discussing, and safeguarding, our own mental health. However, this is something that the education sector is getting better at.
For instance, in May, the government published its Education Staff Wellbeing Charter, which invites schools to “[commit] to protect, promote and enhance the wellbeing of their staff”. It also includes 12 wellbeing commitments that the Department for Education and Ofsted promise to uphold.
Such commitments are welcome, but it remains to be seen how far they will translate into change.
In an interview with Channel 4 News last week, US climatologist Michael Mann spoke of the “implementation gap” between the pledges that governments around the world are making towards tackling climate change, and the actions they are taking to make good on those promises. He gave the example of publicly committing to reducing carbon emissions while simultaneously supporting projects that invest in fossil fuel infrastructure.
The drive to support wellbeing in schools seems to suffer from a similar gap. The government promises to improve things, but when it comes to making big changes that might help students and teachers - keeping accountability in check, minimising unnecessary overhauls of the curriculum, reducing exam pressure - actions do not always keep up with those promises.
Unlike climate change, however, simply talking about wellbeing really can help to effect change. Opening up about a mental health problem can be the first step towards getting better, while normalising discussion of our feelings is something we can all do to help young people feel more comfortable processing difficult emotions.
If I’m honest, when my daughter pointed out that I was “sad” that night in the bathroom, she was right. We were in the midst of a pandemic. Work was stressful. I was worrying about friends and family.
Why was I trying to pretend otherwise? What message did that send?
“You’re right. Mummy is a bit sad,” I told her, having thought about it for a moment. “That happens sometimes. But she’ll feel better soon.”
@Helen_Amass
This article originally appeared in the 13 August 2021 issue under the headline “Charters and promises don’t cut it when it comes to wellbeing”
