De-escalation Scripts and Phrases: Say This, Not That

Free de-escalation phrases for teachers and paras working with teens: a Say This, Not That poster with 12 phrase swaps, a teen calm down menu, and lanyard cards.

Most tense moments get worse because of the first thing an adult says. These are the swaps I teach staff, plus a reset menu students can use before things get big.

What’s inside (4 pages):

• Page 1: Say This, Not That poster. 12 phrase swaps (“Calm down” becomes “I can see this is hard. I’m right here.”), plus voice, body, and goal reminders.
• Page 2: My Reset Menu. A 9-choice calm down board for teens, a 2-minute plan, and cut-out “I need a break” and “I need help” cards.
• Page 3: Pocket Phrases. 8 cut-apart lanyard cards, 3 phrases each, sorted by moment (upset, refusing, loud, shut down, arguing, coming back, after, and one for you).
• Page 4: Want more? My related Tes resources.

Good for:

• Staff meetings and para training
• Sub folders
• Calm corners and resource rooms
• Advisory and counseling groups

These are verbal supports for everyday tense moments, not crisis training. If anyone is unsafe, follow your school’s emergency plan.

Related resources in my Tes shop:

• Workplace Soft Skills Scenario Cards SEND
• Self-Advocacy Workbook for SEND Transition
• Work Refusal Flowchart and De-escalation Script Cards SEND
• Work Refusal Training for Teaching Assistants and Paras
• Work Refusal Toolkit Bundle for SEND Behaviour Support

Made by Jeremy D. Gooch, a working transition coordinator and author of The Transition Map.