Jack and the Beanstalk Pantomime Script in 2 acts

An original comedy pantomime of “Jack and the Beanstalk”, with humour designed for secondary school age students (but nothing too cheeky!) It includes speaking parts for at least 13 actors, with suggested but optional songs. Feel free to adapt any way you like!

SAMPLE:

WIDOW TWANKY
Oh, no cheers for me then? I scrub my fingers to the bone, 34 hours a day, 8 days week and yet who gets top billing on all the posters, my useless layabout son, Jack!

JACK
Did somebody call? Hello boys and girls! Cmon, you can do better than that, we’ve got 3 hours of this to get through and if you carry on like that it’s going to be a long night. I’ll go off stage and when I return, I want you to shout “Hi Jack!”

(leaves – everyone shouts Hi Jack!)

That was brilliant, boys and girls! Just don’t shout that when you’re on a plane, will you?

WIDOW TWANKY
When you have quite finished!!! What are you doing here anyway?, You interrupted my opening speech, I was just telling the boys and girls what a useless disappointment of a son you are.

JACK
Mum, I keep telling you, Jack is short for Jaqueline! I’m not your son, I’m your daughter! I’m a girl!

WIDOW TWANKY (to audience)
Sadly, I must admit it’s true. My only child, and it’s a girl. All I wanted was a strong son, a 6 foot tall, hard working son who could look after me in my old age, and look what I got. Typical, everything I get always has something missing. She was a disappointment in every way. Even as a baby, she was hideous. I mean, think hard, have you ever seen an ugly baby, really? They are always so cute and beautiful. Not her. She was so ugly I had to buy shutters for the pram. I had to have “This Way Up” on her bib to save confusion. My poor mother told me to just put a paper bag over her head. In the end I put 3 on it , just in case the other 2 fell off. She was so ugly when she played in her sandpit, the cat kept on trying to bury her!