World Cup 2018 Leavers’ Assembly
Duration: around 15 minutes. Cast size suitable for one class - or year group of two or three classes.
Who would have thought Mr. Head would have so much trouble in this Leavers' Assembly - disciplining his own staff?! There's Mr. Place - a geography teacher with an unfortunate temper; there's Mrs Sums - with an unfortunate obsession with numbers; there's Mrs Write - with her unfortunate outspokenness ... are you spotting a pattern here? And as for Mr. Force from the science department ... well, let's just say he might have pushed his luck just that little bit too far on this occasion! Anyway, hat's off to Mr. Head as he struggles on. After all, football is just a game, isn't it?!
Mr. Head: Ah! Mrs Write, our Literacy expert!
Mrs Write: (Enunciating every word slowly and perfectly) Good morning, Mr. Head. Good Morning, children!
Students: Good morning, Mrs Write!
Mrs Write: Before we go any further, I do feel it is important that our children can tell the difference between fact and fantasy!
Mr. Head: Er, don't you mean facts and opinions?
Mrs Write: (Impatiently) Just so! Though some of my students seem to be indulging in some very worrying fantasies at the moment.
Student 1: But you're always telling us to use our imaginations, Miss!
Mrs Write: ‘Tis true. But we also need to keep a certain hold on reality. And, to put it bluntly .... (pausing)
Mr. Head: (Impatiently) Yes, Mrs Write. We haven't got all day!
Mrs Write: Well, as long as you can assure me that I won't upset anyone in speaking my mind?
Mr. Head: It's never stopped you in the past!
Mrs Write: (Cagily) Well, it's about England's chances of winning the World Cup!
Mr. Head: Ah! (Pauses) Now I see where you're coming from. Could I suggest you proceed with extreme caution? With extreme tact, even?
Mrs Write: Oh don't you worry! You're looking at somebody who can not only write to the highest standard but is also always right in everything she says ..
Mr. Head: (Aside) And so modest with it!
Mrs Write: Let me just tell anyone who is nursing any illusions about England winning
Mr. Head: (Anxiously) I think I mentioned tact, Mrs Write?
Mrs Write: Well .... (takes a deep breath and then blurts out) England doesn't stand the faintest chance of winning the World Cup!
(Mr. Head covers his head in despair, as all students rise to their feet in uproar)
Mrs Write: You see what I mean? Somebody had to tell them! They shouldn't be allowed to continue believing in this fantasy!
Mr. Head: (In exasperation) Mrs Write! Have you ever heard the expression ‘Like a bull in a china shop'?